Dear Graduating Senior,
Right now, you’re stressed. Stressed out of your mind. You have papers and exams due. You have group projects with a bunch of other seniors who don’t care either. You barely have time to catch up with your friends.
And those are the least of your worries.
While doing school, you’re also worrying about internships and resumes. You’re finding time to schedule job interviews, and looking for housing. Some of you are wedding planning. Others are trying to figure out how to maintain your relationship with your SO long distance. Maybe you found a summer job, but don’t know what happens after that. Some of you are moving back home, others are moving to a city you’ve never known.
But one thing is for sure: everything is about to change, and you’re scared.
Being one year ahead of you, and looking back to how I felt in your position, I can tell you that it does get better. But that doesn’t minimize how overwhelmed you feel right now. You’ve been a student for longer than you can remember and you’re standing on the verge of one of the biggest transitions of your life. How do you stay sane? For these last few weeks of school, here are a few things you need to remember:
1. It’s Okay to Let Yourself Grieve
You’re about to move away from the place you’ve called home for four years. You’re leaving a community of people who have gotten you through sleepless nights and impossible assignments. These people have seen every side of you, from the carefree, out-on-the-town you, to the about-to-have-a-mental-breakdown you. And they still love you! While you may be excited for what comes next, or pumped to be free from the shackles of syllabi and ten-page papers, you are losing something. This season of your life is ending. This community that’s supported you through it all is now dispersing. You will no longer be a student of these professors who shaped you, not only in class but in life. You will no longer be able to run down the hall to your friend’s room and ask to borrow a textbook. The late-night shenanigans and the deep talks till the early hours of the morning will become distant memories.
An entire season of your life is coming to a close, and it is okay to grieve. The joy that is coming does not negate the grief of losing so many beloved friends and opportunities. This place means something to you. College was the place that you found parts of yourself you didn’t know existed. You grew into someone you are proud of and you accomplished things you didn’t know you could. College gave you space to try things and fail. You had room to explore the world around you and you were given a voice to express these newfound opinions. You were trained and given tools to do the things you’ve always wanted to do. You’re leaving this place a different person than when you came, so no matter where you go from here – whether back home or to a new city – things will be different.
These people mean something to you. You met people who changed you. You met people who supported you. You met people who opened your mind to new ideas or facets of the world. At college, you met people who you told things to that you’d never told anyone before, and you met people who saw things in you that you didn’t even see in yourself. You met people that encouraged you to take shots you were too afraid to take. You met people who made you feel more known and more seen and more loved. You also met people who hurt you. You met people who said things without meaning to. You met people who did things without realizing. You met people who saw you and knew you and still rejected you. You met people who used you to get the things that they wanted or competed against you without realizing how low they made you feel. You met people who got to know deep parts of you, and didn’t care; people who you thought were friends but turned away. But even these people shaped you.
And now, in a couple of weeks, you will leave it all. You will lock your dorm room door for the last time and drive away from the place that you can never again call home. So, even though you may have a million assignments to complete, make sure to take a minute to soak it in. Take a minute to write down all the people and memories that you treasure from this place. Take time to write down the things you wish you would have done differently. Write down the things you can’t wait to leave behind you. And take a few short minutes to think about all the things you will miss. Yes, you’re stepping into new exciting unknowns. You will finally have all that freedom you’ve been longing for. But it’s okay if the celebration that’s coming doesn’t erase the tears you’ve shed at the thought of losing something so dear. For some, college is just a place where they got an education. For others, it became so much more.
2. Don’t Pull Away from All the Lasts
The knowledge that you’re leaving soon can be a compelling reason to begin distancing yourself from this place and this community so that the goodbyes will be easier. Maybe it feels like distancing yourself is the only option when you’re dealing with so many stressful decisions as you find jobs, make plans, and begin to plant yourself elsewhere. But these last couple of weeks at this school are the last time you will have these opportunities.
During my last semester of college, I realized all of the opportunities I had been missing. I told myself it was out of necessity because I had too much homework to invest in any more friendships or opportunities. But in those last few weeks of school, my perspective shifted. I wouldn’t remember these assignments in a year, but I would remember the people I regretted never getting to know or the professors I regretted never asking those questions I’d been thinking about. So I did it.
I knew it seemed rather illogical to start friendships right before I left, but this is one of the things I am now so glad I did. There was a girl in one of my classes that I’d always wanted to get to know, so I asked her to get together for coffee. We got together and talked for several hours. Even though we don’t talk much now, she is someone that I value and when we do run into each other I’m so glad I took the chance to get to know her. It was the same with my professors. I realized how many professors I had never really taken advantage of. These were men and women with immense knowledge and a strong desire to share their wisdom with students. I had always been intimidated by this, but I realized that in a time of my life that was so uncertain and presented so many life questions, these were the people I needed to go to. I built relationships with several professors over those last few weeks of school, and now a year later, these relationships have still continued. I still get together with them every so often and I’m so thankful for the wisdom they share.
These last few weeks of school, while fleeting, present many opportunities to you. Which opportunities will you take? What opportunities have been right in front of you that you’ve been missing out on? What’s an opportunity you will regret not jumping in to?
Maybe there’s a professor who is very knowledgable about a topic you’ve always wanted to learn about. Set up a meeting to ask those questions. Maybe there’s a friend that’s moving to the other side of the country after graduation. Take some extra time to hang out with them while you can. Maybe there are tools or resources that you have at school that you might not have anywhere else. It’s not too late to go to the gym you’ve only been to twice, or to explore what the campus library has to offer.
Or maybe you live in an amazing city that you’ll probably never live in again. Make a bucket list of things you’ve always wanted to do here, and then go out and do them! That’s what I did. I realized that I had spent so much of my college experience trapped in the library or cooped up in my dorm room, while I had a whole city I could have been exploring. I made a bucket list of all the things I wanted to do before I graduated, and by golly, I did almost every single one of them.
This place will only be your home for a few more weeks. So take opportunities. Make friends. Explore the city. Ask the questions you’ve always wanted to ask. Do the things you’ve always wanted to do. You will have plenty of time to be excited about the next steps in your life, but for now – just have fun and make memories that you won’t regret.
3. Face the Fear and Embrace the Freedom
Graduation is scary. Let’s just face it, it’s terrifying. There are a million unknowns ahead. You feel like you’re jumping in with only a vague idea of how to swim. Your resume looks impressive, but behind the confident smile plastered on your face, there are a million insecurities and doubts. You’re afraid you won’t get the job, but you’re also a little afraid you will. You’re afraid to move to a new place, but you’re also afraid to stay where you are. You’re afraid to make new friends, and you’re afraid to lose old ones. You’re afraid of everything changing, but you’re also afraid nothing will change. You’re afraid of launching forward, but you’re also afraid of staying stuck.
We don’t like change. Transition is hard. So what do we do?
We acknowledge the fears. We ask ourselves what we’re truly afraid of. Are we really afraid of making new friends, or are we afraid of being lonely if we don’t? Are we really afraid of not getting this job, or are we afraid of disappointing others if we don’t meet their expectations? There’s a lot of surface things to be afraid of in moments of huge transition, but they usually boil back down to a few root fears or insecurities. And while these root fears may be pretty crushing to think about, they are also the same things we’ve been fighting our whole lives. You made it through college with those same insecurities and look how far you’ve come!
The key is not necessarily getting rid of the fears or the anxieties you’re feeling right now. The key is acknowledging them, acknowledging that they don’t own you, and going back to the One who is in control even when we’re not.
Do we think Jesus is a stranger to fear? Do we think he is unfamiliar with transition? Do we forget that this was the same man who knew what his future held, and sweat blood at the thought of it? Yet even Jesus, in the face of huge change and terrifying circumstances, went to the garden to talk to his Father. We would do well to follow his example.
We don’t know what happens next. We don’t know what pain or hardship or joys or triumphs the next season of life holds. But we know the One who does. He sits with us in the garden and walks with us as we carry our cross so that he can celebrate with us when Sunday comes. That is the gospel. He is good and he is working all things out for our good. He is sovereign and nothing happens without his knowledge. He is our provider, and we will never be in want when we are fully surrendered to him. And no matter what happens – whether you get the job or whether you move back home with your parents – you are fully and completely loved. Your value does not depend on what you do after graduation, or even how well you do these last couple weeks of school. Your value lies in Him, and Him alone.
So you’re free. You can let go of the pressure to fulfill your parent’s expectations or meet the world’s standard of success. You’re free from needing to get your dream job right out of school. You’re free from needing a title to define your worth. “Student” no longer defines you, but neither does “employee,” “adult,” “twenty-something,” or “graduate.” You are beloved and you are free.
4. Be Excited for New Adventures
Because you don’t need a certain job or title to define your worth, and you have no need to prove yourself, you can just enjoy whatever adventures or misadventures the Lord leads you to. Enjoy the inevitable fumbling that comes with being a newfound adult. Enjoy the questions that come with not knowing the answers to pretty much anything. Enjoy the growing pains of learning to grocery shop for one, learning to prioritize your time based on what matters most, and growing into a more confident more competent you.
When we truly believe that God is in control and has our best in mind, we can let go and just follow his lead. It takes all the pressure off of you. You don’t need to know what to do. You don’t need to have a perfect five-year plan. Instead, your plan can just consist of following God in the next step he asks of you.
One of my favorite quotes of all time are the words of Martin Luther King Jr., which say, “Faith is taking the first step, even if you don’t see the whole staircase.”
So have faith, and take it one step at a time. That’s it. That’s all he asks of you.
And I gotta say from experience, when I let go of my own agenda, and just follow the Lord where he’s leading me, it turns out to be one heck of an adventure. I end up with stories I never thought I could tell about adventures I never thought I’d be on. I’ve seen prayers answered that I never thought I’d see answered. I’ve seen God provide in ways I never thought possible. And I’ve seen plot twists that I never saw coming, but make the story SO MUCH BETTER!
He’s not a genie in a bottle. He doesn’t grant our every wish or give us everything we ask for, but sometimes what he gives us instead is better than what we wanted in the first place.
So amidst these bittersweet weeks of endings and new beginnings, remember these things:
- It’s okay to grieve the losses.
- It’s important to take the last chances.
- It’s best to face the fears and embrace His freedom.
- And it’s good to look forward to new adventures.
But in the midst of all this, you only have four jobs:
- Be present now.
- Do not fear.
- Know you’re loved.
- Just take the next step.
Oh, and don’t forget to breathe.
You’ve got this. It will be okay. God’s got you.
Sincerely,
Your Friend from a Year in the Future
