We are our own worst critics. The problem is, the times when you need grace the most are the times you’re least likely to give it. How often have you leaned into your tendency to beat yourself up for a mistake, tried to push through your exhaustion, or gone full speed ahead week after week, hoping to white-knuckle it through? In a culture filled with hype and hustle, grace is scarce.
From a very young age, we internalize messages from our culture that we should work harder, stay up later, and push the boundaries. That, after all, is how all our heroes achieved their dreams…right? We praise establishments that are open 24/7, provide 2-day shipping, and can provide anything we want at the press of a button. So it’s no mystery why we expect the same never-ending, never-sleeping, never-slowing production from ourselves. However, the key to true fulfillment is found in the opposite disciplines. When we listen to our limits, we free ourselves to function at our best. When we try anything more, we actively harm ourselves and others. So here are 3 mindsets to help you slow down, give yourself grace, and experience fully functioning fulfillment in the process.
1. Your Body is Doing Exactly What It’s Meant To
Unfortunately, many of us were never taught to trust our bodies, much less listen to them. It takes some people years of therapy to simply reconnect with their natural physical cues rather than override them. And even more, unfortunately, our Christian culture has done us the same disservice. One of the first Christian heresies (false doctrines/ideologies) was Gnosticism, which taught that the spiritual realm was more virtuous than the physical realm. God created the physical and the spiritual to be intertwined in a holy intersection that has the power to bring heaven to Earth in tangible ways. Though our churches believe this in theory, many of us still learn to ignore our body’s cues in practice. Have you ever overcommitted yourself in ministry? Case in point.
But when your body tells you to slow down, it’s actually doing exactly what God created it to. We were created to serve and lead from the inside out. We were meant first to rest and ground ourselves in Christ and then to give His love and compassion as an overflow. When this happens, we will rarely find ourselves running on empty. But it takes practice to trust your body if you’ve been overriding it for years. The good news is it’s not complicated. When you’re tired, sleep. When you’re hungry, eat. When you’re thirsty, drink. When you start to feel your body getting sick, slow down and nourish yourself with nutritional foods and supplements. When you’ve been giving more than you have to give, it might be time to meet up with a friend whose presence makes you feel full. If you feel overextended, clear your calendar and do a restorative activity, like a hobby, an afternoon in the sun, or a conversation with Jesus. If your body hurts, go to the doctor or see a physical therapist to fix what’s wrong. If you’re struggling with your mental health or experiencing emotional pain, this is your body signaling that there is something wrong and you need to take time to heal.
Don’t override these signals. Trust that your body is setting you up for success by helping you notice issues before they become overwhelming and debilitating. But part of trusting your body is responding. Just like you wouldn’t ignore your own child when they tug on your shirt sleeve and ask for some water – don’t ignore your own cues either. If you need to cancel your plans for a day or two to rest and recuperate, the sacrifice is worth your time now rather than being forced to take a week off work later to deal with an illness or mental health crisis. Practice being your own best advocate rather than your own worst critic.
2. Your 100% Looks Different Every Day
I was an avid perfectionist and a chronic people pleaser in high school, so when I was anxious about an exam or a social expectation and my dad told me, “Just do your best,” I held myself to the highest standard possible. But my father noticed me working myself into the ground (and being an anxious mess in the midst of it), so he made me pause to chat. He explained that “your best” fluctuates based on the circumstances. You might work for 5 hours on a project when it’s the only thing on your to-do list, but you might have to crank out a sub-par version on a week when you have six other commitments on your calendar. That’s natural!
Though I first learned this lesson in the context of high school exams and papers, it has served me well for the rest of my life. As someone who suffers from a chronic pain condition, I’m so glad I learned this lesson young. There are some days when my body is in so much pain I need to throw my to-do list in the trash and just take the day to recover from the pain. I still struggle to release myself from my own expectations of what I had wanted to accomplish, but learning that my 100% looks different every day has helped. My 100% on a bad day might look the same as my 40% on a good day. But hear me loud and clear when I say: THAT’S OKAY!
It’s so much easier to give yourself grace when you know and believe that your worth is not in what you accomplish. Do you believe that? There are some days when I struggle to. But spending time with Jesus and asking Him to show me all the reasons He delights in me have helped me detach my value from my to-do list. Jesus is deeply delighted with me just as much on a day when I do less than expected as He is on a day when I do more than expected. And it doesn’t even matter why my day was unproductive. He is delighted in my unproductive self, whether I intentionally took a day of sacred rest or got overwhelmed and accidentally wasted my day in procrastination and laziness. Both of those days are days he rejoiced in me and delighted in who I am. He feels the same about you!
3. Your Joy is Not Dependent on Progress, but Your Progress is Worthy of Joy!
When you have experienced the delight of the Father, it’s much easier to celebrate your wins for yourself. Too often, our joy is dependent on our circumstances. If that’s the source of your joy, you’re setting your bad days up for failure.
Our moods were meant to be sourced from our merciful Maker rather than our mediocre Monday.
We all handle failure in different ways. Some of us try harder and push ourselves past our limits, refusing to offer grace or accept excuses. Some of us cower in shame, accepting defeat and functioning out of fear and self-protection, wary of trying again. Some of us see potential progress as a looming barrier, taunting us with the potential of failure. Others see this barrier as an exciting wall to mount, committing to climb it rain or shine until it is conquered. Both parties, though, struggle to give grace. Grace is only freely given when we have nothing to prove and nothing to lose. We have been given an abundance of grace by our Savior, so why do we hold ourselves to different standards than He does? Could it be that we don’t fully understand the concept of grace, and therefore, we feel uncomfortable accepting grace we don’t feel we’ve earned through our own blood, sweat, and tears rather than His?
You will live an exhausting life of striving if your joy comes from your progress. But you will live a fulfilling life of rest when your joy comes from His presence. The joy of the Lord is your strength, and when His power is made perfect in your weakness, all progress (or lack thereof) is worthy of joy because it was done in partnership with your rejoicing Savior!
How to Give Yourself Grace Each Day
When you’ve had a bad day, look for the glimmers. Celebrate the little wins. Sometimes, my wins for the day were that I fed myself three meals. Sometimes, my win is that I listened to my exhaustion and took a day off. Sometimes, my wins are that I accomplished everything on my to-do list, and sometimes, my wins are that I accomplished things that were never on my to-do list, but the Lord led me into anyways. We don’t need to get from point A to point B as fast as humanly possible or frantically study for the best grade. This life is a journey filled with twists and turns we were never meant to anticipate. So, instead of being your worst critic along the way, enter into the quiet rest of your Savior each day and say, “What does today hold?” That’s the key to giving yourself grace throughout your momentous milestones AND your messy mistakes.
We could all learn to be kinder to ourselves. So, will you take the challenge to trade your tyrannical to-do’s for Christ’s rhythms of grace? Before you even close this tab on your phone or computer, ask yourself what act of grace or compassion you most need before you get back to work. It might be as simple as taking a deep, calming breath and celebrating one small win that’s happened this week. Even if that win is just that you made it through today!
