Happy Birthday to me! As a little gift to you, I decided to write a collection of lessons I’ve learned before turning twenty-seven. I was stoked to make a few videos quoting Charlotte from Pride and Prejudice, saying, “I’m twenty-seven years old, I’ve no money and no prospects. I’m already a burden to my parents, and I’m frightened.” But in all seriousness, my birthday this year was wonderful. Twenty-seven has already been a blast, and I’m so excited for all God has in store. I’m excited to share all the lessons I learned along the way as the years go on, but for now, here’s a little time capsule of some of the most significant lessons I’ve learned thus far:
Lessons Learned in Childhood
1. Your first memory represents what you value. I read a book once about how your brain slowly discards old memories to make way for new ones. When you were 5, you probably remembered several memories from your first few years. Now, you may only remember one or two. The earliest memory you can recall is the most significant memory from your early years that your subconscious mind chose to hold on to. Mine is filled with laughter and sunshine. What’s yours?
2. Salvation isn’t linear. Testimonies are often discussed as “before Christ” and “after Christ” moments. For so long, I tried to fit my testimony into this framework. I did have a moment when I “prayed the prayer,” but as I look back at my childhood, I can see countless times God was pursuing my heart before that. I prayed and talked to Jesus frequently. I knew Him and had experienced His love before I was ever “all in.” The adventure of a non-linear journey is far more captivating than a cookie-cutter methodology.
3. Your play as a child reveals your passions as an adult. Growing up, we often create more coping mechanisms and try to fit in. But children haven’t yet learned to make themselves fit a mold yet. As I went through school, I hated writing. But I actually wrote my first book when I was 5 or 6. It was just a few pieces of paper stapled together with crayon drawings and sloppy handwriting. I remember how excited I felt, yet I wouldn’t realize that writing would become my career until many years later.
4. Imagination is worth fighting for. As a child, I looked around at the adults and wondered how they had lost their imagination. It seemed like such a tragedy to lose something so wonderful. I wondered why they didn’t seem to miss it. From that moment on, I vowed to myself that I would never let myself lose my imagination. Though I have kept this as a core value throughout my life, the pressures of adulthood and the grim realities of this world tend to demand that you “live in reality.” Imagination starts to slip out of your grasp as you worry about bills and mortgages. This happens in small increments until you no longer spend a single second of your day engaging your imagination. It begins to feel like a frivolous luxury that responsible grown-ups can’t afford anymore. C.S. Lewis talks about cultivating a holy imagination. It does require intentionality not to lose touch with your imagination, but I believe it is worth fighting for.
5. You don’t need to spend money to have fun. Fun is free. As a child, the toys that brought me the greatest joy did not cost much money. We used to have a hedge of bushes in our yard, which we were small enough to climb through. I took a jingle bell from our Christmas decorations and strung a length of red yarn through the hole, fastening it to the branch of our “hedge home.” This was our doorbell. Though I can’t fit inside hedges anymore, this memory still makes me smile. Don’t forget to enjoy the free things while you’re busy making money to buy expensive things.
Lessons I Learned Growing Up
6. When we pray, God answers. I have story upon story of the times God answered my prayers. When I was 16, I learned that when you pray specifically, God answers specifically. So I prayed for a cinderella blue dress for my 16th birthday that fit well, was $5.99 or $6.99, and made me feel like Cinderella. The next day, I found a cinderella blue dress at Goodwill for $6.99 that fit me perfectly. God answers prayer like you wouldn’t believe. If you need something – just ask. It’s amazing to see the lessons I’ve learned when I did.
7. All you can do is your best. In middle and high school, I became overrun by people-pleasing and perfectionism. It brought me so much anxiety and so many tears. My dad always said, “all you can do is your best.” Now I would encourage you to identify which things are worth your best effort and let the other stuff go. A little mediocrity never killed anyone. Done is better than perfect. Five minutes of work is five more minutes than you would have done if your perfectionism kept you from starting.
8. Everyone needs someone who believes in them. Several teachers and leaders in my life in high school changed my life. They believed I could do the things I was working towards, and they told me so. They encouraged me and provided opportunities to practice, fail, grow and change in the process. Because they believed I could achieve my dreams, I believed I could too. Everyone needs someone like this.
Lessons from my College Years
9. Emotional wholeness will change your life. Have you ever felt like sitting in your feelings is an impractical and unproductive use of time? If you’re not used to it, processing emotions can feel like self-pity. Many people suppress them until they become emotional baggage. This will cause you to have unhealthy relationships and an unhealthy sense of self. It’s hard work, but pursuing emotional health and wholeness is probably the most freeing and healing thing you could ever do.
10. Sometimes, you’re the only one holding you back. The fear of failure and imposter syndrome keep us from trying so many things. What if we just went for it? All the most successful people have failed. You and I hold ourselves back from so much just by telling ourselves we can’t and making ourselves smaller. There are too many voices in this world that tell you to hold back. Yours shouldn’t be one of them.
11. God always provides. Again, I have so many stories I could tell. I could tell the story of when I couldn’t pay my college bill, and I found an envelope of cash slid under my door the next morning. I could share how I prayed for an apartment that was within my budget, close to work, close to public transportation, and had a good landlord and neighbors – and God provided those exact things and more. I could tell you of so many moments I went shopping, praying for a specific item, and I found it in the exact color or size I needed and on sale. It’s crazy how God provides. Nothing is impossible for Him!
12. You need the global church. Growing up, I knew the church was important, and I knew that there were many denominations and different kinds of churches around the world. But I didn’t know how much I needed them. I needed the Costa Rican church to teach me that God was much bigger than my North American perspective. I needed the Ecuadorian church to teach me that God works in ways beyond my own experience. I needed the Puerto Rican church to teach me how vibrant community can be. I needed the Anglican church to captivate me with the beauty of Christ and shape me with the liturgies of the historic church. I needed a little church plant to teach me the joys and challenges of carrying one another’s burdens. I needed the Charismatic church to experience the freedom of Christ. They differed from my upbringing, but each moment of discomfort and discovery taught me something new about God.
13. You can do more than you realize. We sell ourselves short too often. You are capable of so much more than you realize. I learned this when I wrote a 60,000-word book manuscript on top of a part-time job and full-time senior-level classes during my last semester of college. I achieved more than I ever thought possible and knowing I could do that has compelled me to do so many hard things since. We should all challenge ourselves. It’s cool to see what you’re capable of. Push yourself and see what happens. I’m so glad of the lessons I learned when I did.
Lessons I Learned in Young Adulthood
14. Ask for what you want. So many of us are so afraid of rejection that we never ask for what we want. So we never get it. We spend our lives waiting for events to align serendipitously, for people to read our minds, or for God to hand them to us on a silver platter. You can’t let life happen to you. Identifying your heart’s desires and making them known is not wrong or selfish. God will adjust them as you remain connected to Him, but He also wants you to work hard and pursue the good things He’s provided.
15. Do not build your own kingdom. We live in a world obsessed with building empires. Whether it’s a six-figure business, a social media following, or a massive Christian ministry, God never called us to build our own kingdoms. He taught us to pray, “your Kingdom come, your will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven.” When you follow Him, you build THE Kingdom with your gifts, platform, relationships, assets, and career.
16. God’s resistance is a gift. The majority of people have good intentions and want to achieve good things. But our own wounds, idols, immaturities, or insecurities can cause us to do harm, even with good intentions. So sometimes, God gets in our way. He sometimes slows our success, confronts our fears, or keeps us from gaining influence. This is uncomfortable, but it is a sign of His grace. Sometimes in life, we need His resistance more than we need our desires fulfilled. When we are on a path that will destroy us or others, His favor may be shown through His resistance.
17. God’s timing isn’t in a hurry. When we feel like we know God’s will for our lives, we run to reach that destination without ever considering the value of the journey to get there. We are so afraid we will run out of time before we achieve our goals. This is why it’s so disheartening to feel stuck in life. But God’s timing doesn’t work the same way our world does. He is not in a hurry. There is maturity and sanctification He has for us through the waiting and journeying, which is just as valuable as reaching the goal. Fine wine always tastes better with age, so slow down and breathe. There’s no need to rush God’s timing.
18. Singleness is not a tragedy. I have been single for twenty-seven years, and I am living a vibrant, happy, fulfilled life. For some people, that sentence does not make sense. It’s been so interesting to experience the panic other people feel over my singleness. I understand it because our world and churches teach romance and sexuality are the greatest fulfillment of love and pleasure. But I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything. The Lord has blessed me with so many deep, meaningful, and fulfilling relationships, and I can truly say I have been loved. Singleness can be celebrated.
Lessons I’m Glad I Learned Before My 27th Birthday
19. God created us to play. Having a childlike faith does not just mean we should be trusting and dependent. It also means we can have a disposition of wonder and delight. When we feel the pressures of responsibility and the weight of adulthood, we sometimes feel like we don’t have permission to enjoy ourselves until all the work is done and all the duties are fulfilled. After college, when applying to dozens of jobs and waiting to hear back, I felt this pressure to work endlessly to provide for myself. But sometimes, Jesus calls us to rest and wait in him. In these times, just like a kid in the waiting room at the doctor’s office, we have permission to play.
20. God is not who I think He is. Some of the lessons I’ve learned are nuanced like this. I have learned how much my perception of God is shaped by my upbringing, parents, siblings, relationships, insecurities, and emotional baggage. A relationship with God is about much more than knowing facts about Him. And sometimes, your blind spots and coping mechanisms can keep you from seeing Him for Him. In addition to reading the Bible to know the facts, every Christian should do the emotional work required to develop a secure attachment with God. You don’t have to be afraid He’s disappointed or anxious He’s going to punish you for a mistake. You don’t have to run away or distance yourself when you think He’s not listening or not on your side. We all have legitimate experiences of God that were shaped by false perceptions of Him. We will keep having those experiences over and over – not because that’s who He is, but because we haven’t done the work to notice that who we are is keeping us from experiencing who He is.
21. Live every day as if you are a tourist. Life goes so fast, and then all of a sudden, years have gone by, and all we’ve done is work. Whether you live in a big city or a rural area, there are fun things to do that you’ve never taken the time to enjoy. I lived in Chicago for years and never went to the Sears tower. It’s natural to take the things for granted that are most accessible to us. But what if you didn’t? With some intentionality, you can initiate incredible adventures and lasting memories in your own context.
22. Pain is just a sensation. We miss out on so much life if we always run from pain. Instead of letting fear control our actions, we can be assured that painful moments will come and go, but we’ll be okay. Books for pregnant mamas talk about thinking of pain as another sensation. It’s not pleasant by any means, but it’s a natural signal our body gives us to communicate something. Emotional pain is similar. Listen to what the pain tells you, breathe through it, make changes to relieve tension, and know you’ll be okay.
23. You don’t know everything. That’s a good thing. There is such an emphasis on empirical knowledge in our western society. I’m a bit of an academic at heart, and I love learning, but nobody can know everything. The quest for head knowledge has limits. Sometimes it can blind us from reality if we think we know something already. It can keep us from humility, curiosity, inquisitiveness, and compassion. We could all benefit from going into every situation seeking to learn a new perspective rather than digging our heels into the factual framework we’ve built to feel secure.
24. When you know your worth, it forces other people to see it too. Your identity is secure in Christ. We’ve all heard this phrase, but sometimes it feels like it’s lost meaning. In essence, every need we have has already been promised and extended to us through Christ. We are never without love. So we don’t have to keep searching or waiting for another person to assess our value. We can live confidently in our belovedness and remove ourselves from situations where we are not treated with dignity. In turn, people around us will know our worth and discover their own.
25. Relationships are possibly the most valuable thing you have. Our Western culture values wealth, assets, and positions of power. We can easily neglect relationships in pursuing these goals. Ultimately, we’ll obtain things and have no people to enjoy them with. In college, I decided that graduating with high honors was less valuable than the relationships I could invest in. So I intentionally spent less time applying to my studies and more time with the girls on my dorm floor. Six years later, I can’t remember my grade for each assignment. But some of those girls still Facetime me on a hard day. NEVER believe the lie that relationships are a secondary use of time.
26. You either spend time or money; both are valuable, and neither is scarce. Usually, it takes time to save money, whether you’re clipping coupons, searching for deals, or rummaging through the thrift shop. It also costs money to save time, whether running through the drive-through, having your groceries delivered, or hiring an assistant. Neither is more valuable, but both can quickly overtake our minds with worries and control issues. But neither time nor money is as scarce as you think. Stop rushing around with a poverty mindset and live like every moment is a gift. When we’re afraid we’re running out of time or money, we waste our lives worrying, and it robs us of the time and money we do have.
27. No one brings the same presence into the room as you. I spent a lot of my younger years fearing that I was forgettable. I grew up quiet and timid, so it was easy for me to fade into the background. But I also believed the lie that anything I did was replicable. I was encouraging, but someone else could easily encourage my friend. I was a writer, but there were hundreds of other writers in this world. There’s no skill or achievement I could do that someone else couldn’t replicate. That’s when I realized that people are so much more than their parts. The thing that sets someone apart is their presence. The way they smile, the sparkle in their eyes, the things they laugh at, the way you feel when they’re next to you, and the perspective they bring to the situation are all elements of presence. And no matter what – that’s something no one can replicate. Not a single person in this world brings the same presence into a room as you. So you can stop comparing yourself or getting stuck in insecurity and just be present.
Which was your favorite?
These were the 27 lessons I learned before turning 27. Comment below with the lessons I learned that most resonated with you or a favorite lesson you’ve learned in your life!
